Truly Tabitha

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What No One Talks About

I love to talk about what no one talks about, the taboo, the forbidden, the hidden. And then I usually like to do it. But in this case, I have not done it, but I have a friend who has. No, seriously, I do- a friend. In fact I have a few friends who have done it and via the grapevine, I know of many, many more people who also have.

They are escorts and they have fallen in love with their clients. They are clients and they have fallen in love with their favorite escorts. Taboo and unspoken as it is, it happens a lot. And why wouldn’t it?

Here we are, being vulnerable emotionally, being naked physically, and sharing the most intimate act that humans can share. Most men I see have done their homework and they have chosen the escort who they view as their ideal type. Most escorts become escorts because they are magnetic to men, are beautiful and they know it, and they have up beat and positive personalities. What man can resist a beautiful, sexy, smart, funny woman who wants to sleep with him? How many escort ads have you seen where women describe themselves as “your dream girl”? The reality is that most are not, but every once in a while, they are. The lines can become blurred within a few minutes of walking into the hotel room.

Many escorts do not date, clients or ‘civvies’ as we like to call them, as a hard rule. They prefer to keep at least one part of their life on the fringes simple. Many date men (or women but let’s stereotype and generalize here if you do not mind) for a while who think and say that they are ok with the job of professional companion, but they quickly realize that they are not and that they do not want to share their woman with anyone let alone a parade of men of all kinds. This leads us back to the single escort. It is very, very hard to date and find love as an escort. I almost want to say impossible but it’s best to avoid blanket statements. It is very, very hard to maintain a fulfilled marriage as well. No one has the secret to doing so and if they say they do, they are either lying, or seeing escorts or a lover on the side in order to merely tolerate their spouse. So many marriages are made up of two people who do not communicate and are not intimate with each other. Trust me; I am a professional.

Men who see escorts are more often than not married. Most of these men have no intention of ever leaving their wives but this is not to say they cannot develop romantic feelings for the professional women that they see. They are not immune to falling in love and they do not pack their hearts away in an iron suitcase. There are also men who would happily leave their wives for someone (often) younger with a higher libido. These women are hard to find for the average working professional man with a family and the effort is usually viewed as not worth it. But logging on to Eros Guide or p411 is practically effortless. There is yet another type of man who sees escorts. He really should be on match.com but instead he is checking the latest rankings and reviews on TER. Meeting escorts is not a good way to date or find love. In fact, it is a dangerous way to meet women because chances are, their heart will be broken or they will be rejected from a woman who is supposed to be accepting of and attentive of him in every way.

But when an escort realizes a client is in love with her, a few scenarios can happen. One is that she stops seeing him, cold turkey, and he is left wondering what happened. He came to her initially possibly because he feels rejected by his wife or girlfriend and now he really feels rejected. The male ego truly is fragile and this type of rejection can be devastating. Some escorts will tell their client why they cannot see them any longer but this is still painful and often confusing for the client. He feels that they have a great time together and that they make a great “couple” and they probably do! Then there are the escorts who see this scenario as a perfect opportunity to extort as much money from their client as they can manage. They will call this client when rent is due even though they have ten times the rent in the bank. They will tell this client that they need a new car because theirs is broken even though it is in perfect condition. And they will take, take, take until there is nothing left to take and they will leave the client feeling hollow and- again- rejected. Then there is the third scenario.

The escort has reciprocal feelings for her client. She falls in love. A romance is born in Room #332 of the Fairmont. It usually starts slow. Defying what she wrote on her website FAQs, she will join her client for drinks after their session, off the clock. Next, she will join him for dinner after their session, off the clock. They will text and call each other a few times a week and then daily. Sometimes the client will increase the frequency of sessions with the escort who will in turn linger longer and longer during seesion, ignoring the clock altogether. Eventually, there are no more sessions, only plain old dates (Note the word choice: plain & old; I have never had a paid session like that!). The client become boyfriend is no longer paying for time with the object of his affection and the escort become girlfriend has a man who truly understands what she does for a living and is most likely successful, interesting, and wealthy. Sounds great! Sometimes it has happy endings. I have firsthand seen marriages between escorts and their former clients. I have seen escorts happily retire from escorting to be with their new beau and I have seen men happily divorce their wives to be with their new lady. It can be wonderful. A real fairy tale!

But the truth is that it is usually not a fairly tale, as most relationships are not, and the one we are discussing here has built-in baggage. Even former clients of escorts who fully understand the industry will want their new girlfriend to leave it. He has fears that she will fall in love with another man at work, as she has with him. No man wants to share his woman, unless he is watching. The escort no longer has the “it’s just a job” defense. It really never is just a job. It never has been. Waitressing or driving a cab is just a job as it comes with a concrete and universal “how to” manual written in black and white. Escorting does not (I’ve looked)- and falling in love definitely does not.

There are fears and insecurities on the part of the escort turned girlfriend as well. Will he see an escort behind her back? Will he go back to his wife? Will he eventually leave her for someone younger or when her sex drive slows? How will she make her own money and maintain her independence and not become just another trophy wife?

There are families involved and this creates even more issues. What do they tell the kids, or their families, about how they met? If the ex-wife finds out, what if she tells the kids? If the escort had a boyfriend (or husband), will he become disgruntled and cause trouble for the happy couple? Will they have to live with their secret forever and if so, what if we really are only as sick as our secrets?

The fact of the matter is that in general, it is just not a good idea for an escort and her client to date IRL! What happens in room #332 is not IRL. It is in the sense that two people are relaxing together, being themselves, and enjoying the moment. That is real. There is nothing better than this and I love it so much that I still sometimes cannot believe that I get paid for it. But the payment represents a boundary. The payment defines the interaction as a professional service between a professional and a client. And that is the beauty of it! Men, you can order a 5’2″ Chinese woman with a 12″ waist, a pink garter belt and a perm and ask her to bring her Russian friend and a strap on. Try writing that on your match.com profile! Ladies, you can enjoy the benefits of self employment and spending time with an interesting CEO, a hot(!) professional athlete, or a sweet, attentive, and funny man who tells you that you are beautiful, worships your body, and then leaves an envelope full of cash on the dresser on his way out. Try finding that guy at your local bar!

Also, and I cannot stress this enough, when we meet, as escort and client, we are both on our absolute best behavior. We are putting our best foot forward. We are wearing our charming and sweet and loving faces. Sometimes I spend two hours getting ready for my sessions: bathing, shaving, makeup, hair, lingerie, changing dresses three or five times, lighting candles, checking that every detail is perfect! I can honestly say that I have never put that much effort into getting ready for a date in my personal life. And the men I see also have put effort into their appearance. They are shaven; they have on their best suit or stylish jeans and a button down; they smell good; they look hot! They brought expensive lingerie wrapped up with a bow for their lady of the hour. Every date that we share is like a first date. We get the butterflies in our stomach. We get the nervous but exciting anticipation. We look forward to it for days and weeks. We get that feeling of being intoxicated by the smell and the feel of another human being. And yes, sometimes we fall in love- for that moment or for that hour. It’s normal, even common but we have to take pause and know that these feelings most always pass.

We have to remember the joy and the beauty that we find only in the uncomplicated relationships that we form. We have to respect the boundaries that keep us safe emotionally. We have to remember that when the door closes, our other life resumes, and our temporary ‘love’ becomes a memory. And the only way that we are able to return to the wonder and the pleasure behind the door of room #332, that secret paradise that we have created and that we crave, is by completely leaving it in the first place.

Then again, we are vulnerable human beings designed to desire love above everything else, and being as hard as it is to find, when we do find that one person who we fall for deeply and madly, who we are just sure is the one after much time and contemplation have told us, we should reach out and grab them- no matter what obstacle is in our way- but only after determining that the circumstance is healthy and built to last. Forbidden does not equate to badness. Sometimes the forbidden leads to something beautiful, and unexpected. But we always step slowly into the unknown, and we always test the water carefully before diving in.

 

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